Becoming a Mother

Happy Mothers Day to all the Mom’s.

This is my 4th Mothers Day but my son is only three… now that is some tricky math!  Anyway- I have been celebrating on Mothers Day with my mother for 34 years… so this day is very special to me (as I am sure it is to many many people).  My mother has been the most influential, compassionate, warm-hearted, patient person in my life.  She has taught me what it is to feel loved and accepted.  She is forever and always on my side and I am truly blessed to call her “Woman” each and everyday! Thank you mom.

I am now a mother.  And I would still consider myself a new mother despite my son being three.  Some of you know and I have mentioned it in previous posts and on Instagram that the story of Declan’s first years of life are riddled with hardship, challenges, unexplainable bonds and a healthy dose of mom guilty but many, who may be new to Pish to Posh, do not know the full story.  And in fact there are friends I have had for years who do not know the complete story and depth of emotions that appeared when I became a mother on February 28, 2014.

And guess what????? This still is not that post.

I wanted to and I tried several times and for several days to write Declan’s birth story and to share what the first year was like as a new mother with a baby who spent 4+ weeks in the NICU, who was constantly in and out of the hospital, who had 4 different surgeries and who was completely helpless… but in the end I guess I am not ready to share it all.  I still need to keep it close to my heart, I want to continue to work through the negative emotions of guilt and I need to ensure I feel safe to share. I am not there yet.  But I am working on it.

I do feel safe, in this space, giving you a glimpse of the things I learned once I became a mother.  As a mother I have learned an enormous amount about myself and about how I want to live my life.  When I became responsible for another humans life and one that needed a bit more TLC than others I learned the valuable lesson of selflessness, I learned the importance of family and I learned who I can trust.  Over the last three years my life has been more full, more happy and more complete than I could have ever imagined. When I am with Declan I am the most happy, most content and most at peace then any other time.

Becoming a mother was always part of my plan in life but I never anticipated it would feel this way nor did I anticipate I would love being a mother this much.  I guess I thought it was just the next step in life but since I was given Declan as a child – with all his medical issues and all his toddlerness- it is much more than the next step in life… HE IS MY LIFE.

shop my look: Romper // block heels // necklace <similar> // sunnies

shop Declans look: shorts // button down // fedora // trainers