Those moments. The mom ones. The ones you live for. And then the ones that make you cringe. Those that you want to remember forever. Those you wish you could erase from your memory. But each one is a moment of time attached to your life. Each day I find myself encountering almost all of these emotions. Each day I experience the highs and lows of those moments.
Oh, and then add guilt. A large helping and dose of guilt. And not regular guilt but #momguilt
Because whether we want to admit it or not, as mothers, we carry around so much guilt. For me I am still carrying around a very heavy load of guilt surrounding Declans birth, the first year of his life and my potential influence on those things. And believe me when I say it is heavy. But that is for another blog post… Today let’s chat about the everyday guilt… the lighter stuff ;-). And breaking free from it.
SHOP MY LOOK: MAEVE COWL NECK TUNIC // OLD NAVY MID-RISE ROCK STAR JEANS // DOUBLE STUD PEARL EARRINGS
SHOP DECLANS LOOK: OLD NAVY STRIPED HENLEY // OLD NAVY PULL ON SKINNY JEANS // VTECH SELFIE DIGITAL CAMERA
Now, I am not a therapist (but I may need one) and I am by no means 100% able to let go of the guilt but I am committed to figuring out how to do it more often.
I see you mama, the one who is carrying around all the guilt of being a working mother who doesn’t feel she sees her children enough.
I see you mama, the one who feels like no matter how hard she tries her kiddos won’t listen and she is failing. I see your guilt.
I see you mama, the one who wants to be more patient and easy going but is wrestling with the internal conflict of control and the guilt you hold on to each day.
I see you mama, the one with the messy house, heaps of laundry and carefree kiddos but you yearn for order and structure. Guilt written all over your face.
There are times I wish I was less structured and more easy-going and I wonder how my type A personality is affecting Declan. Some days he watches a movie and then gets an hour of ipad time and I think to myself how terrible I am for using screen time as a babysitter. Sometimes I am pretty sure my choice to stay home full time is causing long term consequences to Declan. I fear I am creating a co-dependent helpless child. Oh, and I agonize over his eating and his lack of growing. EVERY SINGLE DAY I carry around this guilt… it is like it has become a part of who I am in. Well, I am feeling a bit weighed down and if I am going to feel heavy I want it to be from cakes and ice cream; not guilt. So, I am asking you to hold me accountable, to challenge me to let it go and to join me in breaking free.
At the end of the day we analyze, question and dare I say- judge ourselves WAY too much. As we look around our world there is so much we could do, or should do or want to do but we are human. And mothers. We are normal women doing the very best job we can. I know, with all my heart, that each day you wake up and put your kids first, you sacrifice a great deal for them and you love them unconditionally…. and THAT is enough. I was once told that the only thing my son truly needs in life is my love. Same goes for your child. I promise. So love them, let go of the guilt of a messy house, disorganized calendar, too structured schedule, screen time after dinner and LOVE THEM.
Trust me when I say I am challenged each day to take my own advice. I am guilty of the guilt. And today may not have been the best day but I will shed the guilt tonight and start again tomorrow. We are given the gift of a new day each morning…. don’t wake up with guilt. Wake up with LOVE.
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