SHOULDA COULDA WOULDA- IT’S SO EASY IN THE PAST TENSE
I am currently living in a perpetual state of shoulda coulda woulda (lets call it SCW for short). I think it is perfectly normal and perfectly natural to question and hypothesize about the SCW’s of life but at what point does it become unhealthy? According to Urban Dictionary (which is clearly a relevant source here) the definition of shoulda, coulda, woulda is as follows:
Meaning that it is of no use to dwell on what should have (shoulda), could have (coulda) or would have (woulda) happened/been done.
Said as an attempt to shorten a discussion that focuses on the past, thus providing no solution to an actual problem.
This definition could not be more true in that thinking about the SCW offers no actual solution to a problem.., but then why am I living in a world where I am ALWAYS thinking about this. What if I hadn’t moved to London? What if Brendan and I hadn’t gone on that trip? What if Declan’s health had been “normal”? Should I have really started a blog? Could we really move back to Colorado and expect to slide back into life?
You know what friends…. I am finding the answers to all those questions unattainable and unmanageable. The reality is that we did move to London, we did go on that trip, Declans health was impacted, I did start a blog and we did move back to Denver. I want to believe that our lives are not dictated by our past but I am coming to the realization (in ways I never anticipated) that my future, is so very much impacted by what happened in my past. Climbing out of this cycle, I am finding, is extremely challenging. Trying to only think about the future and making decisions based on what I want for the future seems GREAT in theory… but what I am running up against is how to not allow my previous decisions to impact how I make future decisions. I feel there is value in remembering previous decisions as it allows me to make more educated and informed choices the next time- or so I think…. BUT what happens when it doesn’t? When it becomes a burden to your decision making process or in my case a downright road block; it is impossible to not live in the SCW world. So here I am… wondering and thinking about all the choices I have made in the last several years and how impactful they have been on my ability to make future choices. This time I do not actually have an answer…
shop the look: Denim // tank // shoes // bag <Similar> // sunglasses
You know one choice I have made that I do not think much about is the decision to wear white denim all year long!!! And especially in the spring (before it get so hot in the summer you can not wear pants). I love white denim as a way to lighten up any look and add a fresh vibrant flare. I wear these babies all the time. I love to pair black and white together as a classic sleek look and these white denim and this scalloped hem tank are the perfect pair for a sunny spring day. I have been crushing on Nordstrom Rack and this tank was one an obvious choice! I love the how this tank has eyelet detail on the top and the scalloped hem on the bottom. I paired the whole look with a bright bag to add a little color to a very neutral outfit. Black and white, in any fashion, is one of my favorite combos. White denim is here to stay and adding a dainty little black tank is the prefect way to keep your denim classic and sleek.
past to present
It is hard not to dwell on the choices I made in the past especially those that did not have favorable outcomes (both long and short term) and so I am committed to remembering that in the moment I made them it was with positive intent and all relevant information available at the time. I can honestly say I do not regret many choices made in the past but in the recent months I have had an abundance of times of doubt, rethinking and wondering. Have I made perfect decision; certainly not. Have I learned from those; certainly I have. But as I continue on I am reminded to not let old choices taint, sway or determine what I want for the future. Our past has a way of reminding us of how important it is to be intentional and thoughtful going forth… and I choose to strive to remember that each day.