Today (as I am writing) was on of those days. I feel a bit like I am on a roller coaster. Every time I make a decision I second guess it. And not just the decisions I made today- but I started to question all the decision I have been making; for the last week, for the last month, for the last year… since Declan was born. Most of my questioning (today) has involved my parenting and my ability to raise Declan. Who gave me the license for this???? It was harder to get mt drivers license!!! If deep in my heart I believe I am doing what is best for Declan then why do I question my every decision????
At at the core of it I believe it is more than just parenting, for me. I think we live in a society that unintentionally creates an environment where we have become conditioned to question ourselves. The perception that someone or something is always better has driven us to second guess our own life. Instead of celebrating what someone else has or being happy for the successes someone else celebrates we find ourselves wondering what I have done wrong. Instead of boosting ourselves up and recognizing what we have we are constantly striving to “be better” and not always in a healthy or natural way. Now, don’t get me wrong I am not talking about your drive or determination to be successful in your career or in your life as there needs to be fair amount of that to continue to grow both professionally and personally. I am talking about the feeling you get when you drop your son off at camp and worry he won’t make friends and then question what I could have done prior to prepare him better. I am talking about the way you feel when look at where you are in life and wonder how long until you feel grounded. I am talking about the feeling of doubt as to whether your choice to quit your job and start a new career will and has affected your family. I am talking about the everyday choices that, in the moment, seem to be the best but as life goes on you see them backfiring on you. Those things are what drive me to just throw in the towel and give up. Seriously, today is one of those days #gettingreal.
Wallowing is a part of life- even if you don’t want to admit it. I do it, you do it, everyone does it. And on those days I am learning to be nicer to myself To be a bit more patient with Declan and to forgive myself. And to have an extra glass of wine! As I reflect on all those choices I made, the ones I am questioning, I know that I made them with the best intentions, with a positive attitude and with all the facts I had at the time. I can not change what has been done but I can only continue down the path and learn as I go. Questions and comparing will not stop and I know this will not be the last time I feel this way. To be honest I can not promise I won’t have worse days or that I will not wallow away and watch episode after episode of Friends. But I can promise to do my best to keep myself in check… and when I can’t I know a few ladies who can.
Photos: Jenna Sparks Photography
shop the look: floral shorts // white tee // sandals // clutch <similar>
Alrighty ladies, not sure where you live but in Denver it has been unreasonably hot. Like I took off my bra the other day it was so hot. So I am all about light and breezy looks right now and when I realized these high-waisted floral shorts were flowy and breezy I about bought six pairs. No but honestly, they are light, comfortable and breathable. I love them for the high-waisted nature (I know I am late to the game on that front) but I am coming around and these are the first pair of many!! So you ladies know that I love J.Crew for summer staples and this white tee is no exception and it is under $15. It comes in a rainbow of colors and I promise you will want to wear it everyday. These heels are a favorite and simple enough to let the outfit be the statement. Full transparency: they are bit tight across my toes but starting to get broken in.
Below I have linked several similar items. And lucky for you almost all of them are now on the Nordstrom Sale! And lets be real- who doesn’t love a good sale, especially at Nordstrom?!?
so then what???
Well friends on this one I am stuck, In all honesty I am still wallowing. It is new day and I hope to spend less time wallowing but I am human and I get caught up in my own head. Each decision is second, third and fourth guessed. Getting out of my own head is the first step and this time I seem to be really stuck there… and for me, this time, that is okay. Learning to be patient with myself is an uphill battle and today I am allowing myself to feel and digest these feelings. Tomorrow is a new day but sometimes it takes more than a day… and I am okay with that. This time.